Two Men Talking, Pt 2

3 minute read

A Big Lebowski Experiment, Pt 2

FRED

YOU ARE SCUM, MAN!.

GEORGE

I FUCK YOU!

FRED

YOU CANNOT HURT ME!

GEORGE

I FUCK YOU!

FRED

YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?!.

GEORGE

I FUCK YOU!.

FRED

You and these women!

GEORGE

I JUS BAWDEEZ FUCKEEN CAR LASS WEEK!.

FRED

You are the bereaved?.

GEORGE

I KILL JOR FUCKEEN CAR!.

FRED

You bullies!

GEORGE

I SAY VEE CUT OFF YOUR CHONSON!.

FRED

You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera.

GEORGE

I am the Walrus.

FRED

You cant get away with it if the hostage knows who you are.

GEORGE

I asked my father about his withdrawal of a million dollars from the Foundation account and he told me about this “abduction”, but I tell you it is preposterous.

FRED

You dont draw shit.

GEORGE

I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome.

FRED

You dont have the fucking girl, dipshits.

GEORGE

I can see youre anxious for me to get to the point.

FRED

You dont know, Walter?

GEORGE

I cant blow that far.

FRED

You dont wanna know about it, believe me.

GEORGE

I cant drive, Dude, its erev shabbas.

FRED

You folks ready?.

GEORGE

I cant solve your problems, sir, only you can.

FRED

You fucked it up!

GEORGE

I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy, and–.

FRED

You fucking know its been stolen!.

GEORGE

I didnt blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway.

FRED

You got the wrong guy.

GEORGE

I didnt rent it shoes.

FRED

You happy, you crazy fuck?.

GEORGE

I do mind.

FRED

You know this!.

GEORGE

I dont know about you, but I take comfort in that.

FRED

You make everything a fucking travesty!.

GEORGE

I dont like you sucking around bothering our citizens, Lebowski.

FRED

You mean vagina?–I mean, you know him?.

GEORGE

I dont need your sympathy, man, I need my fucking Johnson!.

FRED

You mean–beyond pacifism?.

GEORGE

I dont want to be responsible for any delayed after-effects.

FRED

You might learn something.

GEORGE

I figure its easy money, its all pretty harmless.

FRED

You monsters!.

GEORGE

I got a rash.

FRED

You pull any your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, Ill take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger til it goes “click”.

GEORGE

I got to thinking why should we settle for a measly fucking twenty grand–.

FRED

You said so yourself, Dude–she kidnapped herself–.

GEORGE

I gotta tell ya Tony.

FRED

You said you just wanted to come along–.

GEORGE

I guess thats the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin it-self, down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands a time until– aw, look at me, Im ramblin again.

FRED

You see what happens, Lebowski?.

GEORGE

I have no choice but to tell these bums that they should do whatever is necessary to recover their money from you, Jeffrey Lebowski.

FRED

You seem to know the answer to everything else!.

GEORGE

I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play–.

FRED

You sure he wont mind?.

GEORGE

I keep telling you, its the Foundations money.

FRED

You thought Bunnyd been kidnapped and you could use it as a pretext to make some money disappear.

GEORGE

I know my rights.

FRED

You throw out a ringer for a ringer!.

GEORGE

I know what happened.

FRED

You told Brandt.

GEORGE

I like it too.

FRED

You want a toe?

GEORGE

I like your style, Dude.

FRED

You will receive no bill.

GEORGE

I mean I had an M16, Jacko, not an Abrams fucking tank.

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